Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
