are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
