idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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