Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
