Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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