Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
