You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
