You smell like stripper and shame
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
