So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
