I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
