Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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