we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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