why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he was CRYING into my vagina
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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