My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
