Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
