ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
