I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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