JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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