I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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