Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
