atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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