god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
