also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
