we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
