Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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