the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
