i barfeds in our rink
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
