it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
