he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
