Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
