bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
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He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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