i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
