'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
