He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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