My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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