i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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