I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
