so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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