I faked an abortion last night.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
