dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
