i just wanna soil my oats bro
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm passing your future prison.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
