god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
