I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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