Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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