I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
