Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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