I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize