I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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