You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
