Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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