Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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