Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
