Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
