On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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