...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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