u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
