she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
