I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
