well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
