i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
