Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
