I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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