Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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