He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
