He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
