ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
