I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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