I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize