i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
how can u be prego again
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
