I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize