I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
