Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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