Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
