Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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