well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
