Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We are two peas in an std pod
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
