I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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